Your life doesn't need to make sense to anyone

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde

I think one of the biggest freedoms we can give ourselves is to stop needing other people to understand the life we’re creating. Really think about that for a moment. How much of your life have you spent trying to make your choices make sense to somebody else? Explaining why you left, why you stayed, why you changed your mind, why you moved, why you didn’t move, why you chose that relationship, why you ended that relationship, why you started again, why you’re doing something that doesn’t look like the traditional path. How often have you caught yourself thinking, “But will they understand?” I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I’ve just experienced the eclipse in my other home of Ibiza, and there was something about being there, in a place that has held so many different versions of me, that felt incredibly symbolic. The Leo energy, the eclipse, the shedding of an old identity, the invitation to step into visibility, courage, creativity and self-expression. There is something happening collectively at the moment where so many of us are being asked to question the identities we’ve been carrying. Who were you told you were? Who did you become to be loved? Who did you become to be successful? Who did you become because that was what was expected of you? Who are you when you strip all of that away?

The rehearsal is over. It’s showtime.

I love that analogy because, as actors, we understand rehearsal. You learn your lines, you explore the character, you try things, you get it wrong, you go again, you prepare. There is absolutely a place for preparation, yet there is also a point where you have to get on stage. Life is not a rehearsal. We can spend years preparing for the life we think we’re eventually going to live. Getting our confidence up, getting our money right, getting our body right, getting the relationship right, getting the business right, waiting for the right time, waiting until somebody gives us permission, waiting until we feel completely certain. Then one day you realise you have been standing at the edge of your own life, waiting for somebody to tell you that you’re allowed to step in. I don’t want that for you, and I don’t want that for me.

Because life is so incredibly short and so incredibly precious. Recent loss has made that very real for me. When somebody you love is suddenly no longer here, it changes your relationship with time. It changes the things you worry about, the things you tolerate and what you think matters. You start to realise that so many of the things we agonise over are actually so small: who might judge you, who might disagree with you, who might think you’re making the wrong decision, who might think you’re too much, who might think you’re not enough, who might not understand. Meanwhile, you are here. You are alive. You have this one extraordinary life. So why are we spending so much of it trying to make our choices make sense to people who aren’t living them?

There’s something else I think is really important here, and it comes back to something I use all the time in my work: we all have a different map of the world. Your map of the world has been created from everything you have experienced. Your childhood, your relationships, your successes, your failures, your culture, your family, your beliefs, your fears, your dreams, the things that happened to you and the things you decided those experiences meant. My map is different to yours. Your partner’s map is different to yours. Your best friend’s map is different to yours. Your parents’ map is different to yours. So when somebody looks at your life and says, “I don’t understand why you’re doing that,” they may genuinely not understand. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong. It means they’re looking at your life through their map, not yours.

This is where we can get ourselves into so much trouble. We start believing that because somebody else cannot see the vision, the vision must be wrong. We tell somebody our dream and they immediately give us ten reasons why it won’t work. We tell somebody we want to leave something and they tell us what we’ll lose. We tell somebody we want to start something and they tell us how difficult it will be. We tell somebody we want to move somewhere and they tell us why we’ll regret it. They may be trying to protect you. They may love you. They may genuinely believe they are giving you good advice. They are still looking through their map. You have to learn to honour that without handing over the steering wheel. You can listen without obeying. You can receive advice without making it your truth. You can love somebody deeply and still choose a path they would never choose. You can be misunderstood and still be completely aligned.

Your life does not need to make sense to anyone else.

That is not selfishness. That is self-leadership. I think there comes a point where you have to stop looking outside yourself for validation and start developing internal validation. Not “Do they think this is a good idea?” Not “Will they approve?” Not “Will this look successful?” Not “Will everybody clap?” The question becomes, “Is this true for me?” That is a very different question, because you can have everybody else’s approval and still feel completely disconnected from yourself. You can have the impressive job, the impressive relationship, the impressive house, the impressive Instagram feed, the impressive life and still wake up thinking, “Is this actually mine?”

I think we are living through a really interesting time because the world itself is changing so quickly. The old rules are changing. The old definitions of success are changing. The way we work, live, communicate and create is changing. Yet so many of us are still trying to build our lives according to rules that were written for somebody else. So maybe this is your invitation to write your own. Maybe your life doesn’t look like anybody else’s because it isn’t supposed to. Maybe your timeline is different. Maybe your success looks different. Maybe your family looks different. Maybe your career has twists and turns. Maybe you’re starting again at forty, fifty or sixty. Maybe you want something completely different from what you thought you wanted ten years ago. Good. You’re allowed.

You are not a static character. You are a human being. You evolve. You change. You learn. You lose things. You gain things. You fall in love. You fall apart. You rebuild. You discover something new about yourself and suddenly the life that made perfect sense five years ago doesn’t make sense anymore. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you grew. I think sometimes we’re so obsessed with consistency that we forget evolution is allowed. You don’t have to keep choosing something simply because you chose it before. You don’t have to stay in an old identity because other people are comfortable with that version of you. You don’t have to keep playing a role just because people have become accustomed to seeing you in it. You get to change the character. You get to change the story. You get to change the direction. You get to choose again.

So if you’re listening to this thinking, “God, I know there’s something I want to do, but I keep waiting,” then I want you to ask yourself what you are actually waiting for. Because sometimes the next invitation isn’t coming. Sometimes the next sign isn’t coming. Sometimes there isn’t going to be somebody standing outside your door handing you permission. Sometimes you have to decide.

Here are five things I want you to take away from this.

1.⁠ ⁠Ask yourself whose approval you are actually seeking.

Get really honest with yourself. Whose opinion has the power to change your behaviour? Is it your parents, your partner, your friends, your industry, social media, the people you grew up with, the person you think you need to impress? Then ask yourself why. What are you afraid will happen if they don’t approve? This is where the real work begins, because usually it isn’t actually about them. It’s about what their disapproval would make you feel about yourself. You have to learn that somebody else’s opinion of you is not the same thing as your truth.

2.⁠ ⁠Separate advice from authority.

There are people in your life whose wisdom you should absolutely listen to. There are people who know you deeply. There are people who have walked roads you haven’t walked yet. Listen. Learn. Ask questions. Then come home to yourself. Their experience can inform your decision; it does not have to make your decision for you. There is a difference between being guided and being governed.

3.⁠ ⁠Decide what actually feeds your soul.

Not what looks good. Not what gets the most likes. Not what impresses people. What actually makes you feel alive? What makes you lose track of time? Who makes you laugh? Where do you feel like yourself? What do you keep saying you want to do? What have you been putting off? What have you secretly been craving? Your life is not just about achievement. It is about experience. Feed your soul. Go somewhere beautiful. Dance. Make the bloody trip. Call the person. Take the class. Wear the outfit. Make the film. Write the book. Go for the audition. Sit in the sunshine. Have dinner with your people. Do the things that make you feel alive while you are alive.

4.⁠ ⁠Get comfortable being misunderstood.

This one is huge. You cannot live an authentic life and simultaneously guarantee that everyone will understand it. Those two things are incompatible. Some people will think you’re making a mistake. Some people will think you’ve changed. They’re right. You have changed. Some people will think you’re being selfish. Some people will think you’re being brave. Some will admire you. Some will judge you. Let them. You do not need to attend every courtroom in which you have been put on trial. You don’t need to defend every decision. You don’t need to explain every chapter. Sometimes silence is the most powerful form of self-trust.

5.⁠ ⁠Stop standing at the edge of your life.

This is the one I really want you to take away. How long are you going to wait? How many more signs? How many more invitations? How many more qualifications? How much more money? How much more confidence? How much more validation? There is always going to be a reason to wait. There is always going to be something that isn’t perfect. There is always going to be somebody who doesn’t understand. Step into the centre anyway.

The time is now.

I don’t mean throw caution to the wind and make reckless decisions. I mean stop postponing your own life. There is a difference between being responsible and being afraid. There is a difference between listening to your intuition and constantly seeking reassurance. There is a difference between preparation and procrastination. There is a difference between waiting for the right moment and avoiding the moment because you’re scared. You know when you know. You often know long before you admit that you know. Your body knows. Your energy knows. Your gut knows. That little voice that keeps coming back, even when you try to silence it, usually has something to say. Listen.

Because this is your adventure. Your path will not look like everybody else’s. It isn’t supposed to. Your life doesn’t have to make sense to your parents. It doesn’t have to make sense to your friends. It doesn’t have to make sense to your colleagues. It doesn’t have to make sense to the people on Instagram. It doesn’t even have to make sense on paper. It has to feel true to you.

Maybe that is the greatest act of self-leadership there is: to know who you are, to know what matters to you, to know what you want, to know what you no longer want, and to trust yourself enough to walk a path that other people cannot see. Be kind. Keep your circle small. Protect what is precious. Stop wasting energy trying to convince people who have already decided what they think. Stop waiting for permission. Stop rehearsing.

Because you don’t get to rehearse this life forever.

You get one.

None of us knows how long the show runs.

So love harder. Laugh louder. Take the risk. Book the bloody flight. Start the business. Leave the thing. Make the call. Take the audition. Wear the dress. Write the book. Kiss the person. Dance until your feet hurt. Sit at the table with people who make you feel like yourself. Do more of what makes your soul light up. Do less of what makes you disappear.

And if somebody looks at your life and says, “I just don’t understand,” you can smile.

They don’t have to.

It’s not their life.

It’s yours.

You are the leading lady. You are the leading man. You are the one holding the pen. You are the one on the stage. You are the one who gets to decide what happens next.

The world does not need another version of you that has been edited for everybody else’s comfort. It needs the real one.

So take your place. Step into the centre. Stop waiting at the edge.

The rehearsal is over. It’s showtime.

Big Love

Jenna ✨